Have You Seen dirtykalb?
Date 2008/9/24 16:30:00 | Topic: Zombies
| I'm sure most of you remember last month's heated article contest between dirtykalb and jjns23. It was a hard fought battle until the very end with kalb finally conceding due to his lack of time (he was way behind anyway). You see, kalb was moving to a new apartment in a new neighborhood. A neighborhood with great promise for an upstart Meatatarian. If you remember, he posted an article about a local drinking establishment that offered "ALL YOU CAN EAT BACON" every Monday. It seemed that he had found the perfect place. A place where he could live a meat-rich life. A Meatarian Utopia if you will...or so he thought.
Kalb was so excited that first Monday in his new apartment. He could hardly wait to take on the mountain of bacon. He prepared all weekend long. He practiced bacon stacking, so he could get as much bacon on his plate at one time as possible. He even did chewing exercises to strengthen his jaw. He was as ready! He was as prepared to eat a crap load of bacon as he had ever been. But, there was one thing he could never prepare for. Something no one can truly prepare for.
Read more below...
Kalb strutted into the bar like he owned the place. He sat down at a table in the corner and waited for the waitress to come over. "Hi there, what can I get you" she said. "Bacon" replied kalb. "How much do you want to start with" she asked. Kalb just stared at her for a second then he confidently stated "All of it". She brought him plate after plate of bacon. He was a machine! After he finished his tenth plate a woman at the bar shrieked, "MAKE HIM STOP! HE'S GOING TO DIE"! Well, he didn't die. He felt great! Then it happened. He looked up from his plate to see a strange figure lurking in the shadows. He looked around the room. There was another and another. A cold chill ran down his now bacon greased spine. His greatest fear had been realized. ZOMBIES! The whole place was full of ZOMBIES!!
The zombies had come up with a plan to trap more "living" victims. What do the living love more than bacon? So, every Monday the neighborhood zombies would gather at the bar. They'd wait patiently for someone to stuff themselves with bacon and then they'd move in. Kalb was their next target. He pushed himself away from the table to try to out run the zombies. The "undead" are notoriously slow runners. Kalb made his move. He tried to run, but he couldn't! He could barely move. Then he realized, he couldn't run because of all the bacon. He was no match for all of them. He fought them off as long as he could, but eventually he was overcome. The screams were horrible and could be heard for blocks.
Dirtykalb had now become what he feared most...a zombie.
So, if you are evey in Chicago and you come across a zombie that smells like bacon, do dirtykalb a favor and put him out of his misery.
What's the moral of the story you ask? Well, bacon is still awesome! Just don't eat it in a bar full of zombies!
Rest in peace dirtykalb...rest in peace.
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