Meatballs That Will Kill You
That's not a joke. These things are bad. Bad as in awesome... but also bad as in "deadly artery-clogging cholesterol bombs." The cool thing about this recipe is that I don't really know it. I have made these things so many times that I never measure. Ever. So here, to the best of my ability, is the frequently asked for (but comprised of total guess-work) recipe for Swedish meatballs:

The Stuff:

2 lb. ground beef
2 lb. ground pork
2 cups dried bread crumbs (Italian bread works nicely)
1 qt. heavy whipping cream
1 crap-load of butter
4 cups beef broth or stock (stock is better for you
but it won't matter much once you start this)
2 tsp. ground allspice
2 tsp. ground nutmeg
1 tsp. ground white pepper
2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. garlic (powder or 2 tbsp. chopped fresh)
1/2 cup chopped onions (sweet is better)
3 eggs

Mixing:

Beat the eggs and set aside. Mix 1 cup of cream with the bread crumbs and set aside. You may need more cream depending on how dry the bread is (you want the consistency of Cream of Wheat). Mix the ground meat together (use your hands like a man). Now in the biggest bowl you have, mix the eggs, spices and onions together. Add the bread crumb mixture and meat and blend it all together with your hands again. Don't lick your fingers. Roll the resulting sticky mess into little one inch balls. You can dust your hands with flour as necessary to keep the mixture from sticking to your fingers.

Cooking:

Melt butter over medium heat in a skillet or frying pan and shallow fry the meatballs, turning them after they brown. The browner they are, the more meaty flavor comes out... but don't burn them. Place the broth or stock in a crock pot or kettle over medium heat and add the meatballs. Add enough water to cover them. Now let them simmer for a few hours. You'll probably need to add water periodically. Pour off the liquid into another container and add the remaining cream. Mix well, and pour it back into the kettle with the meatballs.

You have just made one of the Foods of the Gods. You owe me big time. Pat yourself on the back and share them with your friends, even if they are Scottish.

"If you're slower than me, stupider than me, and you taste
good...tough shit, you're going to get eaten!"

Ingredients:

1 Turkey breast (bone in)
1 cup Kosher Salt
1 cup Maple syrup
1/2 Onion halved
1 Carrot halved
1 Lemon pierced w/ fork 4-6 times
3 sprigs Thyme fresh
1 1/2 tablespoon Poultry seasoning
Apple wood chips

Instructions:

Place turkey breast in a stock pot (Note: This should be a full, bone in turkey breast). Add enough water to cover, salt, and maple syrup to make the brine. Cover and place under refrigeration for 36 to 48 hours.

Take the breast out and rinse it under cold water very thoroughly. Pat dry. Spritz the outside of the breast with a light coating of olive oil. Season with a simple rub of salt, pepper, and commercially available poultry seasoning. Take a bamboo skewer and make a kabob of the onion, carrot, and lemon and then stuff it into the cavity of the breast. Slide the sprigs of thyme in also.

Prepare a bed of hot lump charcoal in your smoker and bring the temperature to 250 f.

Place the breast on the grate, bone side up (would be 'face down' if it were a whole bird). Add a handful of apple wood chips to the firebox about every 20 to 30 minutes to keep a nice flow of smoke. Replenish coal as necessary to maintain temp.

Smoke the bird until it hits 160 degrees internal (about 1 hour a pound at this temp). Remove from smoker, wrap with foil and place in an empty cooler (no ice) to let it rest for 30 minutes.

Slice and serve.

I've done this quite a few times and have never been disappointed. It's fast, easy and tastes great! This video from Food Network's Food 911 couldn't make it any easier!



Check out the entire video here.

What's better than a fresh made, gooey doughnut? Give up? How about a fresh made, gooey doughnut with meat on it! Ladies and gentlemen...I give you the Maple Bacon Bar! This obvious gift from the meat gods was created by the devious minds behind Voodoo Donuts in Potland, Or.



Now, I thought nothing could top a doughnut and bacon combination. BOY WAS I EVER WRONG! I don't even know where to begin describing the ultimate in doughnut/meat mixology so I won't even try. I will just let you take it in and enjoy...the Luther Burger. A bacon cheese burger topped with a fried egg and nestled between two glazed doughnuts.



Now according to Wikipedia, the Luther Burger was named for the late Luther Vandross. It is served at Mulligan's, a suburban bar in Decatur, Georgia. Stop by and try one if you dare!