We've become a little bacon-jaded over the years, it's true. A person can only handle so much smoked bacon and flavored bacon and bacon flavoring and things wrapped in bacon until her capacity to absorb anymore bacon-knowledge is just about maxed out. But BBQ Addicts has pulled the rug from under our feet with something they like to call, quote, BACON EXPLOSION!!!

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One of the most famous vegans on Earth is showing just how well his body is coping with his chosen lifestyle.

Steve Jobs announced that he will not be a keynote speaker at Apple's MacWorld Expo trade show this week due to poor health. Job's has been dangerously thin for years, having been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in July of 2003.¹ The official word is that Job's current health is due to "a hormone imbalance that has been 'robbing' me of the proteins my body needs to be healthy."²

Proteins, huh? Hormones are stealing your protein? Now, I'm not one to kick a man when he's down, but come on... he's a vegan who's losing weight. Improper nutrition can lead to hormonal imbalances, among a very long list of other problems. So, I'm sorry, Steve, but you don't need a doctor to figure out what's aggravating your already poor condition.

As Mark Sutton from itp.net says, "Steve Jobs needs a hamburger."³



1. "Steve Jobs looks dangerously thin," gawker.com
2. "Letter from Apple CEO Steve Jobs," apple.com
3. "Steve Jobs needs a hamburger," itp.net

It's bad for you. Just don't think about it.

1 lb. mild pork sausage (you might remember seeing this in a fancy little tube)
roughly 1/3 cup of flour (this isn't brain surgery... so chill)
1 cup of milk (doesn't matter what kind, because you'll be adding water)
2 tbsp chopped onions (use minced if you like... we're easy... but rehydrate them first)
dash of salt
black pepper to taste

Brown the sausage in a skillet of some sort. Use a big one. You have a lot of stuff to add. Use a potato masher (the crappy kind that looks like a squiggly wire) to break up the sausage. DO NOT DRAIN the grease unless there is more than a few tablespoons, in which case you will need to leave a few tablespoons in the sausage. Nowadays, sausage is usually pretty lean. It's very unlikely that you'll need to drain the skillet.

Spread the sausage evenly in the skillet and evenly cover with the flour. Reduce the heat to a simmer. Mix the flour and sausage together slowly so that the sausage is covered and there are no lumps. Warm the milk (yes, you can microwave it) and add to the pan while stirring. Blend until a nice paste is formed. Add about a cup of water and the onions. Stir until a thick sauce is formed (think Cream of Wheat).

Transfer the mixture into a kettle or large sauce pan and slowly add warm water until you reach your desired gravy consistency. Add salt and pepper. Find your biscuits.

Let's make some fatty goodness!

2 1/4 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 1/2 tbsp baking powder
4 tbsp shortening
1 cup buttermilk
1 tsp salt

The most important thing to remember about making a good biscuit is that you need a hot, oiled, and preferably already black pan or baking sheet. An old blackened pizza pan will work nicely, as will a cast iron skillet. I prefer to use an old cookie sheet. I'm talking old. Old as in it's so black you can't tell what kind of metal it's made of. Go find one and come back. Call your Grandma if you have to.

Now, mix the dry ingredients together in a mixing bowl. Blend in half of the shortening until the mixture is coarse and grainy. I use a fork. You can use a pastry blender if you're a big baby. Next, stir in the buttermilk with a fork. Do not over mix this. The less you work with dough that contains baking soda and baking powder the better. They won't react as much if you beat them to death.

Put the dough on a floured table or board and knead just a few times. Pat out the dough to about 1/2 inch thick. Cut with a biscuit cutter or a glass. Fair warning: a glass does not make as clean a cut and will interfere with rising, so do this at your own risk. Do not twist the cutting tool. Do not handle the dough any more than you have to (I explained this already).

Put the remaining shortening in your pan and put it in the oven at 325 degrees for about 7 minutes. Remove the pan from the oven and place the biscuits in the pan. Bake the biscuits until barely browned on top and then turn them. Bake until the other side is lightly browned. This will take about 10 minutes so don't leave the room. You can stir your gravy if you're bored. You are making sausage gravy, aren't you? Duh.

Even your Christmas Tree needs to show your love for all things meat. Check out my tree topper.