Let's make some fatty goodness!

2 1/4 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 1/2 tbsp baking powder
4 tbsp shortening
1 cup buttermilk
1 tsp salt

The most important thing to remember about making a good biscuit is that you need a hot, oiled, and preferably already black pan or baking sheet. An old blackened pizza pan will work nicely, as will a cast iron skillet. I prefer to use an old cookie sheet. I'm talking old. Old as in it's so black you can't tell what kind of metal it's made of. Go find one and come back. Call your Grandma if you have to.

Now, mix the dry ingredients together in a mixing bowl. Blend in half of the shortening until the mixture is coarse and grainy. I use a fork. You can use a pastry blender if you're a big baby. Next, stir in the buttermilk with a fork. Do not over mix this. The less you work with dough that contains baking soda and baking powder the better. They won't react as much if you beat them to death.

Put the dough on a floured table or board and knead just a few times. Pat out the dough to about 1/2 inch thick. Cut with a biscuit cutter or a glass. Fair warning: a glass does not make as clean a cut and will interfere with rising, so do this at your own risk. Do not twist the cutting tool. Do not handle the dough any more than you have to (I explained this already).

Put the remaining shortening in your pan and put it in the oven at 325 degrees for about 7 minutes. Remove the pan from the oven and place the biscuits in the pan. Bake the biscuits until barely browned on top and then turn them. Bake until the other side is lightly browned. This will take about 10 minutes so don't leave the room. You can stir your gravy if you're bored. You are making sausage gravy, aren't you? Duh.